Dreary December

December has not been a great month so far. In my last blog, I said we were getting bikes for Christmas. Now Mike says we are not. I told him I would try, but if he was going to talk about the way I ride a bike the way he talks about the way I drive, I'm not doing it. I guess he couldn't promise that, and doesn't want to spend the money for me to try and see if I like it. So now, for the rest of our lives I'll be blamed for him not getting what he wanted this Christmas. He's hard to live with sometimes.

Also this month, my sister Sandi was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's in liver failure, and has been on the transplant list for a year and a half. The cancer diagnosis takes her off the transplant list. When we thought there was just one lump, doctors were talking about a lumpectomy. But the next mammogram showed multiple lumps in both breasts. With her liver failure, she can't withstand major surgery that involves general anesthesia. Tonight I learned that the doctor said radiation would just make her feel worse, and hormone therapy would not help much. So right now, it seems there's nothing to be done except pray.

When I went with Mike to visit his parents after his surgery, they asked about my parents. When I said they were doing well, his mother said, "Don't they have anything wrong with them like we do?" I cannot explain how much that hurt me. I've known for a long time that his parents care nothing for mine. That fact was really brought home in 2006 in the choices they made around Courtney's wedding. This is in spite of the fact that both fathers are retired Methodist ministers, and my parents have never been anything but kind and hospitable to his. But to hear her say that, at a time when I was doing everything humanly possible to take care of their son and making a huge effort to be friendly and loving towards them as well, was just too much.

I wanted to say, "Yes they do, but they don't let their weaknesses define them. They live their lives as they always have, in service to others. They stay active in their church and other groups, even if that means my dad is there in a wheelchair. They think more about other people than themselves, and live a truly Christian life." I wish I had said those things, because Mike's mother refuses to use a wheelchair, even though it would make things easier for those around her. They do nothing for anyone else, just sit in their little apartment waiting to die. They are the poorest excuses for Christians I've ever seen living in a parsonage. It's no wonder Mike has no interest in attending church. But of course, I was polite.

Since that time, my mother has been hospitalized with arm pain, and has been blacking out. She's been to several different doctors to try and figure out what is causing these spells, but right now, we don't know the cause, and consequently, she can't drive. Since Daddy can't drive because of Parkinson's, this makes it very hard for them. In my brain I know there's no connection between Mike's mother's question and my mother's problems, but my heart can't help blaming her just a little bit. I wish she'd never asked that question.

I thought the hard part was in October, when Mike had his transplant, but I have to say, November and December have just gotten worse and worse. On top of everything else, the weather has been dismal. Not rainy, just a constant mist, which freezes if the temperature drops low enough, but otherwise just hangs in the air. Umbrellas don't help, because it's not really falling from the sky, it's just all around. If I wanted to live in weather like this, I would move to Seattle.