Dreary December

December has not been a great month so far. In my last blog, I said we were getting bikes for Christmas. Now Mike says we are not. I told him I would try, but if he was going to talk about the way I ride a bike the way he talks about the way I drive, I'm not doing it. I guess he couldn't promise that, and doesn't want to spend the money for me to try and see if I like it. So now, for the rest of our lives I'll be blamed for him not getting what he wanted this Christmas. He's hard to live with sometimes.

Also this month, my sister Sandi was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's in liver failure, and has been on the transplant list for a year and a half. The cancer diagnosis takes her off the transplant list. When we thought there was just one lump, doctors were talking about a lumpectomy. But the next mammogram showed multiple lumps in both breasts. With her liver failure, she can't withstand major surgery that involves general anesthesia. Tonight I learned that the doctor said radiation would just make her feel worse, and hormone therapy would not help much. So right now, it seems there's nothing to be done except pray.

When I went with Mike to visit his parents after his surgery, they asked about my parents. When I said they were doing well, his mother said, "Don't they have anything wrong with them like we do?" I cannot explain how much that hurt me. I've known for a long time that his parents care nothing for mine. That fact was really brought home in 2006 in the choices they made around Courtney's wedding. This is in spite of the fact that both fathers are retired Methodist ministers, and my parents have never been anything but kind and hospitable to his. But to hear her say that, at a time when I was doing everything humanly possible to take care of their son and making a huge effort to be friendly and loving towards them as well, was just too much.

I wanted to say, "Yes they do, but they don't let their weaknesses define them. They live their lives as they always have, in service to others. They stay active in their church and other groups, even if that means my dad is there in a wheelchair. They think more about other people than themselves, and live a truly Christian life." I wish I had said those things, because Mike's mother refuses to use a wheelchair, even though it would make things easier for those around her. They do nothing for anyone else, just sit in their little apartment waiting to die. They are the poorest excuses for Christians I've ever seen living in a parsonage. It's no wonder Mike has no interest in attending church. But of course, I was polite.

Since that time, my mother has been hospitalized with arm pain, and has been blacking out. She's been to several different doctors to try and figure out what is causing these spells, but right now, we don't know the cause, and consequently, she can't drive. Since Daddy can't drive because of Parkinson's, this makes it very hard for them. In my brain I know there's no connection between Mike's mother's question and my mother's problems, but my heart can't help blaming her just a little bit. I wish she'd never asked that question.

I thought the hard part was in October, when Mike had his transplant, but I have to say, November and December have just gotten worse and worse. On top of everything else, the weather has been dismal. Not rainy, just a constant mist, which freezes if the temperature drops low enough, but otherwise just hangs in the air. Umbrellas don't help, because it's not really falling from the sky, it's just all around. If I wanted to live in weather like this, I would move to Seattle.

December already???

Well, it's not quite December. It's actually November 29, so there's one more day before December. I can hardly believe it! So much has happened since September when I wrote the last post.

Mike had his kidney transplant on October 25. It went really well, and he continues to do well. We've had a few scary moments - when the nurse ordered his blood tests "stat" because she was concerned about his creatinine level; when he started running a fever - but for the most part, things have gone well. The nephrologist is very pleased with his lab results and progress so far. His sister Denise has done really well too. They will both be going back to work in December, and neither one really wants to, but life goes on. It's been a stressful time for me, but I think our relationship has grown stronger.

School is going amazingly well. We did 2 group presentations and a book review for one class, which is over. The other class meets one more time. We had to do a self-assessment for that one, and meet with the professor individually. She asked 10 questions. I expect to have A's in both classes - much easier than my Master's!

Grandchildren - Jack has turned 3. He is less interested in talking to Gran on skype than he used to be. Makes me a little bit sad, but I know he is growing up, and seeing someone on a computer screen is not as good as seeing them in real life.

Clara Beth is a little marvel! She is so independent and laid back - so unlike her brother. I can't wait for us to have "girl times" together - I look forward to those days of makeup, dolls, and dress up. I have 3 wedding gowns here - I remember as a young girl, finding my mom's wedding gown in the attic and playing dress up with it. I'm all in for that!

Cooper is just starting to walk. He is such a happy boy. I so envy his Australian "Nana" who gets to see him whenever she wants. I can only hope to have a good relationship with him, so that he will be comfortable when he visits here.

Work is so difficult this year. We are still seeing the effects of the recession, with more and more families experiencing homelessness. It is heart-rending to hear of 4 unrelated teenagers living in a car together. I wasn't able to attend the NAEHCY conference this year, because of Mike's surgery. That conference always puts things into perspective for me, knowing that so many others share my passion for the work we do.

My mom is having some health issues, as she enters her 80's. Nevertheless, she and Daddy never let their weaknesses define them. They continue to live their lives as they always have, in service to others. My sister Sandi is not only waiting for a liver transplant, but has now been diagnosed with breast cancer. As difficult as this is for me, I realize it's incredibly more difficult for my parents to see their child going through these trials. Their faith sustains us all.

Am I ready for Christmas? Well, in some ways I am. Most of the shopping is done, although there are gifts left to buy. My children and grandchildren are done, so that is the largest part. I guess Mike and I are getting bikes. I'm not all that excited, but if he will be patient with me as I learn to deal with hand brakes and gears, it will be okay. He's never been patient with me in 37 years, but he says he can. We'll see...

Back to school!

Going back to school - am I insane?!? No, just hoping to increase my salary, and therefore, my retirement income. Our local university has started a cohort program for the Educational Specialist degree in Administration and Supervision. It's not a degree I need, in order to keep my job, but it is the only way for me to get a substantial raise. In education, the only way to make more money is to get another degree, and this seems to make the process as painless as possible. So, here we go!

I went to the organizational meeting in January, and 2 good friends, Leigh and Tommie, were also there. We agreed to stick together, and determined to start this journey. Since that time, both Leigh and Tommie have changed jobs. Leigh took a position with a different school system, and Tommie moved into Leigh's job. Now they both have even more motivation to get this degree. I'm still in it for the money.

This weekend we had our first class. We hadn't heard anything from the professor, so it was with great trepidation that we showed up at the class location on Friday. To our surprise and delight, this first class is mainly a process of gathering paperwork that we already have, and putting it all together into a portfolio, both in a binder and on a flash drive. No papers to write, no research, other than into our own accomplishments. We can do this!

After another 3 hours of class today, I'm excited about the prospect of broadening my perspective on education. I'm the first to admit, everything I see and hear is filtered through the lens of homeless education. Maybe it's time for me to look at the bigger picture, putting my program into that broader perspective, rather than the other way around. I'm ready!

Reflections on 9/11

September 11, 2001, I was the counselor at an elementary school. I remember walking through the school hallway that morning, and hearing someone say, "An airplane just hit the World Trade Center!" My thoughts were, maybe this was a private plane that somehow got off course, how could this happen? ... Never in my wildest dreams did I realize the impact of what had happened. I walked to the gym office, where there was a television, and the radio was always on. I knew if anything was going on, my friends the PE teachers would be aware of it. When I walked in, they were watching the small, grainy, black and white picture. I was there in time to see the second plane hit the second tower, and then we realized that the world as we knew it had changed. That morning we went through the motions of daily life in an elementary school, watching and listening to bits and pieces of the news as we could, never knowing where or when the next strike might come.

In the days and weeks that followed, we realized we had to take some action. Our largest population of ESL students were Kurdish, all of whom had fled Iraq to escape the persecution of Sadam Hussein. As intelligence was gathered and reports of Osama Bin Laden's involvement in the attacks were released, we saw a change in attitude towards these students, involving suspicion and hostility. When we went to war with Iraq, we knew the time had come.

My son-in-law, a US Marine, was deployed to Iraq. My daughter got the names and addresses of the men in his unit, and we started writing letters to them. At the same time, I met with several of our older Kurdish students to talk with them about their families and their feelings. We realized that they were strong supporters of the US presence in Iraq, and we wanted to get that message out to the rest of our students and parents.

We started planning a Kurdish celebration. On a specific day, all of our Kurdish students would dress in native costumes, bring in dishes of their native foods, and would go around and talk to every class to tell them about their country, their culture, and how they felt about living in America. They would talk about their family's experiences and feelings about the US going to war against Iraq. The students decided to name the celebration "Hafla" which means party. Our Hafla was a great success, and a lot of fun for everyone, and hopefully brought some awareness and understanding of the Kurdish culture to boys and girls in Tennessee.

Meanwhile, our letter-writing campaign continued. We wrote letters to all the men in Mason's unit, as well as to deployed family members of students and faculty. We made copies of all the letters and put them in a book. Bulletin boards around the schools were decorated with pictures of our military heroes. Mason wrote back, a letter of appreciation to the school, which we read to every class. In the letter he expressed his pride in being a United States Marine, and encouraged the students to work hard and be proud of themselves and of America.

In a small school in a small town in Tennessee, nowhere near New York City, Washington, DC, or Shanksville, PA, one might have thought we would be unaffected by what happened on September 11, 2001. Nothing could be further from the truth. I will always remember where I was on that day, and will be proud of the ways we worked together both to embrace our diverse population and to support our military personnel.

0ne year later

Wow - it's been a year since I updated my blog! Hard to believe! So much has happened. Yes, I now have 3 grandchildren. Jack will be 3 in a couple of months. Clara Beth has turned a year old already. And Cooper will be one in a few weeks. We had a wonderful month of May, with all the children and grands here. It was awesome! But, I work for the school system, and our year ends at the end of May. So it was also chaotic! But I loved every minute, and tried not to worry about what was going on at work when I was at home, or what was going on at home when I was at work. Too bad it couldn't have been the month of June, but oh well.

June was full of meetings and garden harvesting. July was 2 weeks of vacation and then back to work. Mike and I went to Atlanta for July 4 - fun! We spent the day being tourists - visited the GA Aquarium, the World of Coca-Cola, and then went to a Braves game! Yes, it rained, but they did the fireworks anyway. We had a great time!

August has been busy at work. I don't think our economy is recovering as quickly as expected. On August 31, I have 350+ homeless kids identified, and last year at this time we had about 275. Their stories are starting to break my heart more than ever. Aside from that, we've had so many changes in the schools - so many new counselors, new principals, and I've committed to doing training at all the schools. What was I thinking???

I'm starting a new adventure in my life - going back to school! I'm starting on my Ed.S. this fall in Administration and Supervision. I think it's going to be great! I'm really excited about the cohort program, and the people in my group.

Saw Elizabeth and the children last weekend, as I took my parents to Greensboro for my Aunt Bertha's funeral, and they came west to escape Hurricane Irene. We had about 24 hours together, which was totally unexpected and amazing!

Fall looks to be hectic, with school, work, and Mike's kidney transplant in October. I sure would love for Sandi to get a liver too! My girls are blogging, and they are such good writers! My son is in grad school - everyone is doing really well, now if we could just win the lottery...!